I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're like the curious george of whores
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
