Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize