someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
