I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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