Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Be still, my beating vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
