Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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