I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
