Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
