i love accidental penises.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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