where am i from again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
