Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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