sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
