Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
