just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
