she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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