well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize