I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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