Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
