I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize