So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
