Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
