like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
