I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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