Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's like iHOP with fire
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
