OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
