RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
