I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
