That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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