Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
