id be glad to
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
