I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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