does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
