Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
