Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
