weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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