god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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