I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hippo gnu deer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
