i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
