I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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