So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
