Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize