His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
