margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I skipped work to stalk him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
