I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
