Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
