a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
