not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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