EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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