Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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