Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
