Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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