R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize