Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize