I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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