So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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