Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
