so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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