drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
