Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
