you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
