his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
