im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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