I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
