yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
