Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
