I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
