fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
