i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
FUCK WHALES
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
