I cockslap morals
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Life is so much better after having sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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